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Rants About Luxury Hotels

luxury hotel
luxury hotel

Photo courtesy of likeablerodent.

Although I’m a backpacker by nature, I do get the opportunity to stay in some pretty great luxury properties from time to time. While the experience has many perks — high thread counts, deep plunge tubs and plush robes you want to wear as clothing — there are many odd and sometimes frustrating things I’ve noticed about luxury hotels. Some of these include:

The More You Pay, The Less You Get

Staying at hostels and small family hotels, there always seems to be free WiFi, breakfast, movies and activities. Get to a luxury hotel, however, and you’ll be lucky if they give you a free handshake. For example, I stayed in a 5-star hotel recently that wanted to charge me $40 per day for WiFi! At the breakfast buffet, which was already expensive, they had these all-natural energy juice shots that I thought were included. When the bill came, however, I got a very unpleasant surprise. Yes, in luxury hotels you’re getting more in terms of comfort and style, but aren’t you already paying for that in the $500+ per night room charge? I’ve definitely noticed a trend that the more you pay for something, the less you get in terms of free extras.

Why Is It So Hard To Find The Lights?

Unlike budget hotels that have one simple switch and sometimes a lamp, luxury hotels seem to have about 20 different switches hidden all over the room — often times in the oddest places and in an illogical fashion. The light near the window is turned on by the door, while the bathroom light turns on by flicking the switch up, the bedroom light turns on by flicking the switch down. I recently stayed in a luxury hotel where I spent 20 minutes trying to figure out how to turn the desk lamp on before realizing I had to flick a switch near the bathroom before it would work. It’s like a haunted house of strobe lights as you’re frantically flicking switches trying to figure out what goes to what.

Even With 80 Light Switches It’s Always Dark

Once you figure out the myriad light switches, you still always feel like there’s one missing because it’s never quite bright enough. It’s like mood lighting 24/7. This is great if you’re having sexy time but not so great if you’re trying to get work done or, you know, get dressed.

Why Won’t The Shower Close?

Instead of just having a normal shower with two faucets — one for hot, one for cold — and a door that closes for some privacy, luxury hotels tend to have a kind of half-open door thing going on or no door at all. Not only that, but when there are more than two faucets as well as buttons, levers and pulleys it can get very confusing for those who simply want a hot shower.

I Don’t Want To See Myself Naked Every 5 Minutes

Continuing with the shower rant, luxury hotels seem to be under the impression guests want to be able to watch themselves showering. Again, this can be fun during sexy time, but when I’m showering alone I instinctively close my eyes every time I see the mirror (no need to see how all that local food sampling has affected my body, I already know). There also always seems to be a ridiculous amount of mirrors in general in the room, which I always notice as I’m changing. In one luxury hotel I stayed at there was a mirror in every corner (there was no escape!). There was even an unavoidable magnifying mirror in the bathroom that showed me all the sun damage and clogged pores I had endured during my trip. I immediately put a towel over it, never looking into its evil face again.

Note: I’m aware every hotel features its own unique decor, and that not all luxury hotels feature the above trends. That being said, these are things I’ve noticed in many of the luxury hotels I’ve experienced.

Have a rant or comment about luxury hotels? Please share in the comments below.

Jessie Festa standing in front of grafitti wall

Hi, I’m Jessie on a journey!

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9 Comments

  1. Lauren Meshkin on October 11, 2013 at 10:24 pm

    Hahahaha so true about the showers. It’s seriously annoying. Great post!

    Happy travels 🙂

  2. jess2716 on October 11, 2013 at 10:56 pm

    @Lauren- I swear! Apparently luxury means you need to put in more effort ha

  3. Lance on October 14, 2013 at 8:40 pm

    I’ll happily stay in a luxury hotel, but I don’t willingly pay the price. I don’t need a special robe, that’s for sure. I just want a clean bed, and an AC unit that roars for good white noise.

    • jess2716 on October 14, 2013 at 8:46 pm

      @Lance: Ha! I love that you mentioned the AC. I’m the same. Either that or a fan so the silence isn’t deafening.

  4. Robert Holtz on October 21, 2013 at 11:41 pm

    Okay, Jessie… You can go ahead and stay at your cheap, brightly-lit, one-switch-using, closed-showered, body-image-issue-having mirrorless rat traps with no extra charges. Meanwhile, you’ll find me at the nearest five-star hotel in the nice part of town, being pampered by an attentive meticulous world-class staff and enjoying the hotel amenities that actually matter to luxury travelers.

    • jess2716 on October 22, 2013 at 12:20 am

      @Robert: Trust me, I love to be pampered at times, as well. I just wish the rooms weren’t so confusing! ha

  5. Marian on June 5, 2014 at 2:12 pm

    I so agree about the showers. I love the fancy bath products and the space of a luxury hotel bathroom, but doors that work or for the love of God — just doors on the shower at all would be so helpful. 🙂

    • jess2716 on June 6, 2014 at 12:53 am

      @Marian: Ugh, no doors is the worst! I get so cold :/ lol

  6. John Baar on January 12, 2017 at 8:35 pm

    Very good staying in luxury hotels has a lot of stewardship.

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